This is the first time I am writing a post for this blog. This is my first blog ever! So, please be patient and kind. ‘Endings or beginnings’? What do you prefer? Sometimes I think that both are equally complex. As I was wondering about this over and over, I started to realize that human beings not only enjoy meaningful moments because of what they represent, but they also delight themselves on the delay or postponement of certain events. It is a necessary resort for the shy, an extraordinary one for vultures -both literal and figurative-, a narrative resource, a waiting room. The moment one delays certain things in life, the more we become familiar with the pleasure they might be able to bring. Why should you be afraid of doing what you have always wanted to do the most? In my case, it was writing and reading on end at a very young age when my bag was full of dreams and fantasies; it was being a mom when I just got married; it was delivering a speech after a presentation in front of a crowd; it was healing after experiencing loss; it has been recovering health after being diagnosed. Pfff! Didn’t I tell you? “Endings?” “Beginnings?”
I chose the title for this first post as a homage to one of my favourite thinkers: Esther Perel. Besides finding her fascinating, enticing, intriguing, knowledgeable, revolutionary, endearing, inspiring, a wonderful therapist, an accomplished writer, a fabulous role model for women, I think of her as one of the greatest minds of our time. “Where should we begin?” is the name of her podcast, where she shares what happens in her therapy sessions; in there, she sums up the crises that couples are facing in this day and age, and she depicts the most urgent portraits of this alliance at the heart of every family. Certain episodes might be shocking for some, yet all of them are about unveiling the truth behind two humans. Thus, when I listen to these stories, I think of the moments of weakness that have let to fracture, to loss, to absolute desolation, I find myself trying to complete the picture, always trying to understand the beginning of something, because most of the times, beginnings are unheard of until much later, sometimes until the ending.
I believe that when we receive the news, whether of heartbreak, betrayal, loss, tragedy, diagnosis, we are all one with our pain. We do not know how to react in such situations because, honestly, no one rehearses for this. Every person reading this has probably imagined the happiest day of their lives, not the worst one, right? However, this naiveté fed through the immediacy of modern society, this dissonance between what we want and what we actually do, should make us wonder: When is the best moment for change? What is the origin of our problems? -and are they really there?-. Why don’t we spend more time with ourselves -alone- than with our gadgets? What is the purpose of being a good person? What is the root cause of my health condition? When did I realize that I have wasted my life? How do I reach out and say that I am sorry? Why is it easier to make assumptions than to ask? etc, etc.
So, where should we begin, anyway?